How can group therapy help you? Part two — Interpersonal Learning

One of the other important therapeutic factors in group therapy is called “interpersonal learning.” Essentially, this refers to the group phenomenon in which members can learn new things about themselves and others in the here-and-now, and practice new ways of being in relationships with others. For the sake of reducing jargon, I’ll give a (fictional, but common) example.

Bob signed up for group therapy because things weren’t going well at home and work. He found himself not advancing at his company, feeling resentful of others at work, and generally feeling unfulfilled in his career. At home, he felt “walked all over,” like his voice didn’t matter, and as believed that his thoughts, feelings, and opinions didn’t matter much to his spouse and children. The common thread for Bob here was that he felt unequipped to assert his needs, display his confidence and self-esteem in healthy ways, and talk openly about he needed, wanted, and felt.

Not surprisingly, this interpersonal style made its way into the group. Although clearly upset, he would rarely share how he felt, bury his feelings of anger and overwhelm, and even begin to shut down during the group therapy sessions. As a result, he began to write himself off in the group as unimportant, undeserving connection and support from the group members, and rarely spoke up about his feelings. This led him to feel detached and resentful — the same way he had been feeling in his life outside the group.

After other group members noted to Bob his lack of connection in the group and how they desperately wanted to “see” him, he began to open up about how afraid of rejection and abandonment he felt in the group, and how this led him to shut down his needs and move inward. He talked openly about how he didn’t feel as though he had a place in his family growing up, and that his needs felt like “too much” for the family to handle. So, he turned inward, shut down how he felt, and retreated inside himself.

The group leader then began to give Bob challenges of approaching others in the group when he had needs, wants, and feelings towards others during group sessions. After reluctantly agreeing to the challenge, Bob began to practice this “skill,” and received feedback from the other members about how it felt for them to be the recipient of his newly found assertiveness. This was helpful for Bob, as it helped him calibrate this new skills (e.g., helping him not be too passive, while also not being too aggressive).

After learning this new skill in the group and having some practice with it, he was able to use it in his life outside of the group. Not surprisingly, he felt much more in control of things in his life, felt deeper connections in his family, and was able to appropriately assertive in his workplace, a skill that helped him advance in his career.

In this example, “Interpersonal Learning” was a factor that helped Bob learn and practice a skill he so desperately needed. Unfortunately, he didn’t have many places in his life he could practice this skill until he came to group therapy. There are many relationship dynamics that can be worked on in a group, and with the right group makeup and an experienced group leader, group therapy can help people learn life-changing skills. If you feel like you might benefit from interpersonal learning, please reach out to me for current group offerings – it may just save your life.